I, Myself, and my mind……

An uneasy feeling turns into suspicion that led to sadness and eventually will start to get angry. Most often than not, this is me. A man who creates his own nightmare. A man who creates his own bogeyman at night. A man who losses himself when emotion goes up into his head. A guy who has this emotional insecurity.

I’ve tried my best to control myself, but in the end its just another failed attempt. Its not that I don’t trust, its more of a “What if someone better than me comes”,” What if I can no longer make her happy and someone else does”, ” What if I am the opposite of what she likes”, ” What if i cannot give all she wanted”, ” What if she didn’t like the way I acted”, “What if she realized that she no longer loves me”, “What if I lose her” ?

 

What if…what if…what if….

Everything is running in my head. I don’t want to think these kind of things………. It makes me crazy…..I don’t want to lose her. She is THAT important to me.

What should I do?  These “What ifs” will tore us apart.  I don’t want these F ifs to break us….

 

Dear Lord,

Please help me clear my mind. Please guide me to the right path where i should walk. Your guidance will help me get back to myself. I already lose a lot, and I don’t want to lose anymore especially “HER” who means a lot to me.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_insecurity

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy

 

First Part of Special Assignment……

Just a few more days to go and march will end. And yet, still don’t have plans for the rest of the year. how sad

Like an organizer, I will list 50 things that i want, i should, and will do before the end of the year. This may be a little late, but still we have at least 9 month left! Now, i need stay online at least once a day just to remind me about my “SPECIAL MISSION”. And yes, I am very much excited! LMAO, this is my first time to do this and hopefully I will be able to continue this for the coming more years!

Here is my list of to-do things (1st part):

SPECIAL MISSION:

Hop-in! Hopping!Walking! Running! Gimik habang bata!

1. Out of town with GOW AND REYES FAMILY

2. Summer getaway with friends!! (pwede nmn post summer getaway)

3. Singa-singa-singapore!!

4. Attend at least 1 UAAP Game (GO FIGHT TAMARAWS)

5. Organize a mini get together (College friends/ MPMBs)

Depreciated,Appreciated. New things

6. Buy myself a wallet

7. New set of shirts aren’t bad either

8. Retire my good ol’ slipper

9. New bag wouldn’t be so bad either

Special for Special people

10. Buy a cake on ( anniversary of my father and mother, Bday of my father, mother, and sister) of course including Yahooo!!!

11. Special Gift for my tabz’ beeeerrrttddeeeeiiiii 🙂

12. Visit my grandpa and grandma’s you know…

Healthy Lucky me! with NAPA!

13. Finally enroll myself to a boxing lesson

14. 1 full month of not drinking soda!! aarrgghh

15. Successfully survive a month without eating chicharon

16. Eating my best bud “Ampalaya” (0/12)

17. Run for a cause (0/2)

Mixing, Fixing, Breaking, anything, nothing

18. Arrange the layout of my wordpress.

19. Arrange and maintain my office drawer

20. learn to wash clothes

21. learn how to cook my favorite kare-kare

Personal, personal, personal

22. Save Php 500 every cut off.

23. Post a blog at least once a week.

24. One big bang project

25. One month of without Leave and tardy. Yikes!

26. Ensure that everything in here will be done or the world will end.. 2012. lol?

Then second part will be released after Holy week. (reflection time)

Good luck to me!

Comeback greeting…….

Its been a while since i last posted my last blog. And yes, i missed sharing my thoughts and experiences to others. I promised a lot of post but I’m too busy for the past year to do so. And now, people will ask me if I’ still busy…… my answer for that is a big YES….

 

There are a lot of things that drives me to start blogging once again. Aside from killing my remaining time for the day, I want this to be an outlet, outlet of what I feel inside, what is on my mind and everything that is inside of “Kremlin”.

Yeah, most of you wouldn’t care and wouldn’t mind, but remember this is my blog, and once you open this link you are now part of this craziness, you are all my readers.

Well, maybe its time to end this once-again comeback greetings ( boxing? lol).  Hope to continue this blogging regularly.

 

Happy Blogging!!!

Is _________________________?

I’m living in a fantasy where I make my own paradise, do whatever i want and have what i want. Creating my own illusion world is not a bad thing to do. It helps me widen my imagination and helps me run away from reality even just for a while. People might call me coward for running away, but can you blame me for creating my own world?? Everyone knows that we cannot get most of what we want and sometimes what we need, so even for just a “thought” of having them even for a single minute would be fine for me. Why am i saying these kind of things?? nothing, its just that we cannot get everything in reality and we could only do so in fantasy. There are chances in life where you need to avoid something  in the real world just to keep things in its proper places while fantasies holds no boundaries. I just hoped that one day will come, where I can live with my own fantasies even just for a day.

In short, i learned that no matter what you want in life , and how desperate you are just to get it, they may not end up in your hands no matter what you’re intentions are.

– The heart is calling, So I’ll just stay here, and let the eyes do the talking while the lips are silently shouting.

(The title is a question which I wanted to ask to anyone especially to “the smile”, but I cant so just try to read my mind.)

PS as you can see, the thoughts are disorganized, i just put in the thoughts that runs through my mind. That’s how  chaotic my mind is.

Random songs..

( i love the lyrics of this song, i get inspired by this.)

I really love this song, reminds me of someone..

(i prefer the original version of this song, though you can see the video is in HD) LMAO

I just want to see her smile..

Happy 🙂

maybe…

Lately, somethings keeps bugging my head. I don’t know what to feel, i don’t know what to think. Its just that I’m so weak at these kind of things. I hate myself for being like this. Behind my laughter is myself covered with sadness,loneliness,insecurities, jealousy. Right now, i don’t know what to think, something’s messing up with my mind,  It’s a sin to keep it, but i want to think of it. All i want are those mesmerizing smile, i don’t care what others think, as long as I keep it to myself, I’m fine with it. Those smiles, i want to see them.  Making me feel better…

Its nice to be back….

Its been a while since i last posted here due to Queen Seon Deok. Yea I’ve been watching it for weeks now. (its good, try it) Guess I’m back again in blogging.  So ill start posting sooner or later. Hope you  read them again lol.

Coming Soon:

Ondoy

Final Fantasy VIII

and others..

and oh, i wont post anything about Valentines cause its a very cold valentines for me (bitter? lol kidding), and if i’ll ever post something, its  about others  lol.

Future of boxing…

Last sunday night, i watched the replay of HBO’s Boxing After Dark on ABS-CBN ( yep, you heard me right, AbS-CBN). I was forced to watch ABS show for the sake of the fight (who wouldn’t if you’re a boxing fan?). The event was spearheaded by Juan Manuel Lopez (28-0 with 25 knockouts) against a No pushover and tested Steven Luevano (37-2-1) for the WBO Featherweight title, and Yuriorkis Gamboa 17-0 (15) defending his WBA featherweight title against Roger Mtgawa 26-14-2 (18) .

As we all now (For those who watched the fight) JuanMA and Gamboa won their respective matches. JuanMa landing flurries that sent Luevano in the canvass, but with pure heart, he was able to beat the count. Unfortunately the referee halted the fight seeing Steven unable to continue the fight. With a successful win and snatching the title, JuanMa is one of the tough guys in Featherweight class! With his Power and skills, he’s going to be tough to beat. I can’t wait to see this guy getting in the ring against Vasquez, Marquez and Gamboa.

This guy, Yuriorkis Gamboa, i can see the Manny Pacquiao in him when the p4p was still at lower weight. Finally i saw him fight on TV (aside from watching highlights from youtube), the guy was a Blitz King, he was so fast, hits hard, combined with a cat-like reflexes. He stunned the world by stopping Mtgawa, the guy that force JuanMa to its limit, in only just 2 rounds! This guy deserves to be in the p4p top ten lists! Though i can see his cockiness in the ring, he has all the reason to do such! He tends to drop his hands leaving him WIDE open, still Mtgawa can’t hit the guy.This guy is a force reckon, ill tell you all, he will dominate every division he goes in the future, trust me. If JuanMa and El Ciclone (monicker of Gamboa) will face now, no way JuanMa would survive.

Why did I write this? Nothing, just want to spend my time and just want to share how i was stunned with those guy’s performances. Can’t wait to see their future matches against the top featherweight fighters in the world. If you love how Pacquiao fights, watch these guys fight. The future of boxing is bright, with these kind of guys pooping out, it only proves that boxing is not DEAD. Just “be not like Mayweather”